Marijuana

i don't smoke weed. never tried it. i've decided not to.
but i don't judge people that do.
i'm okay with other people smoking it (to a point of course). it no longer shocks me.

there was a time when i didn't smoke it because there were still younger people who might look up to me, and look to me when making their decisions.
that time is over. they've grown up, and made their decisions.
so the battle is over and there's nothing left to fight for. so why do i still fight?

i'm not doing it to set a moral example. maybe that was my reasoning before, but i'm hardly a rolemodel for anyone at this point.

i'm no longer convinced weed is evil, or dangerous. i'm no longer convinced my decision will affect anyone, really.

so why do i resist it?

maybe because growing up, good and bad was simple. drugs were bad, so just say no. it was easy. no temptation, no grey area.

and at some point, as a teenager, still holding to that mindset that weed was bad, everything in the world started saying "no it's not, weed is awesome, dumb ass!" and by everything in the world, i do mean the media, friends, and family.

and as commonplace as it may seem nowadays to resist the messages of the media, i was never trained to resist friends and family.

but i did resist. the decision was easy, but no longer comfortable. besides, i still clung to an idea of a "moral highground." all the while, weed slowly became more than a "drug." drugs are dangerous, and easy to say no to. but weed was exploration, rite of passage, celebration, social status, community...

the morality that shielded me is eroded now. i don't cross the line i drew maybe out of the nostalgia of morality... or maybe simply because i've gone this long without getting high, might as well follow through.

some people vow never to watch the movie versions of their favorite books. some people drink coke and will never switch to pepsi. some people just have seemingly arbitrary personality quirks.

so all things considered, social context and whatnot ... at it's best (or at its worst), my decision is just that.

not moral,
not exemplary,
just an arbitrary
personality
quirk.