i finally framed my diploma today

half expecting to feel something, some kind of profound symbolism, but found done, maybe because i didn't want to, possibly going as far as to reject it. four photocopied signatures of strangers acknowledging my completion of a curriculum made up in part by me, translating to roughly zero in the scheme of a frustratingly liquid pursuit of success. it means so much to people who care, and absolutely nothing to people who don't. a vague statement, so universal it's almost meaningless, but applicable nonetheless. and a definition that unreliable is hardly definition at all.

it's all in how you look at it.

i centered in the paper in the simple black frame. it was less ornate then my sister's. in some petty and self-deprecating place in myself, i appreciated this. i propped it up, on top of the piano, upside down. perhaps reaching too hard this time to spark some symbolism that i didn't care to think through completely.

in the end i turned it right side up, deeming whatever glimmer of spiteful rebellion going on inside me simply not worth the effort, and certainly not worth the risk of knocking over izelle's diploma, or Dad's picture. and it wouldn't make mom happy. and maybe that's what this has been about all along. though, even i know, that's grossly reductive. for some reason.

it's all in how you look at it.