For once I'd like to fuckin kill the monster. It's not too much to ask.
I know it's a team effort thing, but if all we're gonna do is fucking become Megazord fuckin' immediately, why'd they make us five separate zords in the first place?
And while we're on the subject, it'd be nice if they gave me a real gun. none of this freeze ray crap. Tyrannosaurus spits exploding shockwaves, i spit minor inconvenience. I mean, I get that it fits my theme or whatever, but how is it that Pterodactyl gets magic lightning bolt launchers and I get the ONLY non-lethal weapon? Might as well have given me a rape whistle.
And I don't think the others appreciate what I go through to get to Angel Grove each time a monster inevitably turns giant. I commute from the fucking ARCTIC. and I'm no paleontologist, but i'm pretty sure mastodons aren't built for speed. some advance notice would be appreciated.
Look. It's not that radical of a strategy: If my boss (yeah, the high school kid.) sees anything strange, like say a 7 foot armadillo-man, he skips the morphin' time and just sends me a text. i'll come waddling over from Siberia in time to save the Sadie Hawkins dance or whatever, find the bad guy and, stompity-stomp, score one for ol' Masty!
If all else fails, fuck it. I'll get a job transforming into Voltron's hat or something.
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1 comment:
this is f'n hilarity right here. HAHA.
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